-Missing You-

Today was a bit of a rough day for me. Dont get me wrong. Work was fine, kept me busy. It was while i was at work that a lady came in. She was a nice enough lady and it really isnt her fault. As soon as i got closer to her, all i could smell was my mom. i had to do a doubletake to make sure it wasnt her, thats how much she smelled like her. Everyone knows smell is the strongest memory trigger.

Now, for those of you who dont know. my mom and i arent exactly on speaking terms. She doesnt approve of my choice of Man. And i let her know in no uncertian terms, that He is my choice and whether she likes it or not, He is who i want.

Its a complicated story. For whatever reason when they met it was like oil and water. She hated Him on site and He felt the same. Perhaps its because they are so much alike. As much as they would both dispute that fact. They are. Its hard to explain. Mom has always been very protective of me. i am an only child, so i guess she had a hard time letting go. And Ice was the One to teach me to stand up for myself, not to sit ideally by while others decided my future for me. To open my mouth if something is bothering me or pissing me off. And that didnt go over well with mom. Suddenly He is brainwashing me etc etc. Totally off the wall things like that.

He is no better though. i cant mention my mother without Him making some kind of nasty little comment. Which He knows bothers me, cause for all her faults, she is still my mom. i love her regardless, even when she pisses me off.

That final straw was a couple of years ago. She and i got into a physical fight because i refused to abide by what she wanted. i was going to do what i wanted whether she liked it or not. Its never been the same for she and i since then. A little over a year ago, Ice and i split up for a short while. i moved back home to another town with my mom. i had started seeing a therapist, in hopes of helping me deal with the grief and anger over O/our break up. She advised me to start a journal, to write everything down. i did and it started to help. i could see things more clearly and make more sense of my emotions. One day while i was out, my mother read it. She called my cell and started screaming at me.

To back track a little here, i had written private things about myself in there. About my being submissive and missing my Dom. Something my mother knew nothing about. Now i know why i never spoke to her about it. She didnt handle it well.

She yelled that no daughter of her's would bow to any Man, wear a "dog collar like an animal" or call any Man Master. She told me to pack my things and be gone within the week. i was hysterical. my privacy and trust had been violated beyond forgiveness and i had only 1 person to whom i could speak. Ice. Even while W/we were split up W/we still talked. Via email or on the phone. i knew no matter what i could always turn to Him. And so i did. He told me not to worry, that i would have a place to go. That is how i ended up where i am. And i'm very happy here. These people have taken me in and given me a new and second family that i love and adore.

So i packed my things and i left. Leaving her a note as to why i was leaving and finally getting out alot of things that had built up over the years. It didnt go over well. That was over a year ago now. i've spoken to her once. After her hip surgery for Mother's Day. Its not that i havent tried to keep contact. i sent cards for every occassion and called when i could, but always got the machine. i left my number and my address. The only one who contacted me was my grandmother. my own mother didnt even send me a Christmas or Birthday card. Ice is still livid over that to this day and my birthday is in February. It breaks my heart that she refuses to give in just a little.

So when this lady came in to work today, smelling exactly like my mother. i nearly burst into tears. All i could see was me as a child cuddled up to her before school each morning. Or laughing over something in a book we both read. Shopping together, all those mother/daughter things. Ice said i should call her, if only to hear her voice. i told Him i'd think about it. The last time i called she was cold and distant. i dont want to ruin the memories the scent brought back by having that kind of conversation. So tonight i think i'll just sit, have a glass of wine and be mellow.

Until later.

Always His angel[IW]

Posted at 2:56 PM

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