-Welcome Home-

Armour is home!!! YAY!!!!!

It feels so good to know He is home safe and sound, but completely exhausted. i'm fairly tired myself this evening and have a splitting headache so this is about it for me tonight.

Off to bed to get some sleep and wait for His call in the morning.

Until later,

Armour's brat

Posted at 7:38 PM

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-God Bless That Broken Road-

i sit here tonight chewing my lip and wringing my hands. Armour is on His way home. So i sit and worry while He is in the air and i have no way to know if He is ok until He arrives back in DC and calls me.

Logically i know flying is the safest way to travel, but it is something that has always terrified me and knowing He is in the air kills me. i get panicy just being in an airport. Sad i know, but true nonetheless. The meer thought of anything happening to Him leaves me paralized with fear. i know He'll be fine. He will land, get home....pet the cats and call me to tell me He is ok. And then laugh cause i was a worrying ninny.

i am on strict orders to sleep in tomorrow after having a couple of rotten nights' sleep. Ordered to sleep late. Oh my God how i love this Man. Hehehe.

i was listening to some old tunes on my laptop the other day. One song stood out from the others. All i could think of was Armour and how we seem to have just finally found the one who is perfect for you. And i thank God for helping me find Him each and every day. Hey Master, i just may convert!~

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I6uL4FOUtGQ

Until later,

Armour's brat

Posted at 3:39 PM

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-Fuck Off!!-

i will let the title say it all. A situation in my house last night has left me so exhausted i am dizzy and lightheaded as well as so utterly pissed off if one person says just one wrong word to me i will likely blow my top entirely. And it takes ALOT to push me that far.

So for tonight i will leave it at that. And just hope Armour calls when He gets up.

Until later,

Armour's brat.

Posted at 5:58 PM

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-Winter's Wrath-

i went back to work today after my proceedure on Monday morning. Oh my god i wanted to go home. i was in alot of pain during the morning, it eased up during the afternoon but ugh made for a miserable day. i'm still bleeding a little but i suppose thats to be expected when you have your insides violated in such a invasive manner.

Mother Nature reminded us again today that we Canadians are a hardy breed. The expected storm arrived early this morning and was already delaying transit and causing mayhem on the roads by 8am. And it snowed all damn day. Not only snow, but the wind was blowing as well which only makes it colder and more difficult to move around. The roads are a nightmare and plows are still trying to catch up from Windsor all the way past Toronto. With more snow forcasted for tomorrow its going to be an interesting commute to work in the morning.

i havent spoken to Armour since yesterday morning. And that was only for about 10 minutes. We did talk for a few minutes this morning on Yahoo but it just isnt the same. Not sure if i will catch Him before i go to bed tonight. i hope i do. Lord i am missing His voice. i did notice that it is 2 weeks today that He comes here. Again, i'm not counting.

Until later,

Armour's brat

Posted at 6:04 PM

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-Reflections-

i know i have already done my post for today, but i find myself doing some deep inner reflecting this evening. Something i tend to avoid if i can whenever possible. One reader in particular will know this to be true. Dont you D? Emotion has never been easy for me, expressing or even allowing myself to feel it. Its messy, never does what i want or expect it to do and always comes with a healthy dose of reality and pain that rips me out of my neat little fantasy world.

i'm not sure what brought this on tonight. Maybe reading back on some of D's old posts from years ago. Perhaps the sudden and rather unpleasant stab of pain i felt today at barely being able to talk to Armour for more then 5 minutes. It isnt His fault and i dont blame or resent Him for it. It is what it is. i knew weeks before He left that this week would be difficult. And its proving to be a little more challenging for me then i had realized. Even now i find myself stumbling over my own thoughts as to how i want to put them down. Or even if i want to at all. i cant stand leaving myself open and vulnerable to any form of pain, especially emotional. Nothing will rip me apart faster.

This feeling tonight is so intense and yet disturbing at the same time, for me anyways. Perhaps other girls dont struggle with this but i always have. i have been called cold more then once in recent years by the one who was closest to me. i thought i was protecting myself and my heart from another round of disappointment and pain. Perhaps i am cold, i am well aware i have my moments of shutting down completely and being unresponsive emotionally. A few of you have seen the other side of me, usually my wrath and temper which is formiddable. i protect what is mine and i never back away from a fight. i may walk away to let cooler heads prevail and reason to overcome cruelty, but the fight will happen.

What i know right now is that what i feel for Armour terrifies me. i mean bone chilling fear that at moments like this leave me almost paralized. i didnt want to feel anything ever again. i was done with it, to give my heart and have it stomped on over and over again over the course of years was more then even i could take. Many have refferred to me as the strongest person they have ever known. Not so much. They didnt see the endless nights of crying myself to sleep or just crying to the point of becoming ill when it became too much. i didnt want to open myself up to that kind of agony again. And giving your heart to Someone is just that. Giving them the power to hurt you.

i know its more then that. It also gives them the power to lift you up higher then you could have ever imagined being. To know that when He smiles at you, you have to look down to see the clouds. To watch your hand tremble as you reach for the phone when you know its Him on the other line. Even to know that you will shake uncontrollably that first time His arms close around you or He kisses what belongs to Him. To stay up until 2am because you want to know He got a good nights sleep before you pass out from sheer exhaustion. It does make the pain worth it when it comes. No one is perfect, there are fights. Hurtful things said or done. A careless thought or forgotten plans. And yet knowing that it will be His arms that hold you later that night.....makes me want to try again.

i dont have a choice really anymore. He has my heart. Has had it for weeks before i would allow myself to acknowledge it. There is a need in me now that is something new. Something i havent experienced before. Perhaps because i have yet to allow Anyone my complete trust, it is driving me to give it to Him. The fear is there, very real and chilling, wanting to keep that final piece hidden safely. i am so tired of being afraid. i dont think even He knows this. Well, He does now doesnt He. Its not something i can help, try as i might. That fear is so deeply apart of me i dont know how to overcome it yet. i know i want Him to be the One who gets me there.

Something i have found myself craving is structure. It was one of D's posts that made me realize it. The need for that structure, His rules and guidelines. Not a rule book or something of the sort. Its hard to describe and i can only hope He understands what i'm trying to get at even though i'm not quite sure what it is myself.

i love You Armour. i think You already own my very soul and forgive me if that scares the shit out of me. Please just be patient with me.

Until later,

Armour's brat

Posted at 7:14 PM

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-Meh-

Having one of those days today. Just feeling very bleh. Stuck in the house while i heal up from the proceedure, which i should be fine tomorrow but still. i'm bored out of my ever loving mind. And anyone who knows me knows, i get bored, i get into things i shouldnt and i tend to get a wee bit snappy.

Oh lets toss in a heavy dose of PMS and i'm queen bitch of the north. We can further add to my growing crankiness by tall, blonde and gorgeous an ocean away and still sounding way too exhausted for my liking. Makes me wanna wring the necks of a few of His coworkers. And i use the term co-"worker" lightly.

Hmm just read over what i wrote so far. Man can we say Bitch!! *sigh* Ok so i have had a severe chocolate craving the last few days, bitchy, moody, horny (that i blame on Armour hehe) and a general feeling of bleh. Oh goodie. i give it a couple days and i start. Wouldnt surprise me if the proceedure from yesterday is about to make me start early this month. Ugh!

Ok so i think i have whined enough and i'm starting to piss myself off because i'm whining. LOL

Until later and better moods.

Armour's brat

Posted at 1:43 PM

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-The Unexpected-

You know i didnt realize how true it is when someone says expect the unexpected until this morning. Ice was kind enough to take me to see my Dr for my consult before my surgery this morning. Little did He or i know that while being examined the Dr decided not to wait and performed the proceedure right then and there. Granted its a fairly minor proceedure and was over quickly, but i was completely unprepared. Hell i was expecting to be at work later that morning. Ha shows what i know. When leaving her office to book my follow up i told Ice what happened. i must say the look on His face was priceless. But He made sure i got home ok and that i had what i needed. He wasnt able to stay as He had to work and neither thought it would happen today. He had planned to stay here a few days to keep an eye on me.

Armour was of course concerned. So i downplayed my discomfort a little bit if only to ease His worry. He had a hellish day and on hearing His voice was obviously exhausted. He will read this i know and i will likely catch hell for downplaying how i feel, but its worth it to ease His worry and stress.

For now i'm going to lay in bed and try to relax.

Until later,

Armour's brat

Posted at 2:49 PM

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-A Quiet Sunday-

Do you remember that sensation of anticipation from where you were a child? The feeling of nervous excitement for that upcoming trip or promised present? The giddiness that follows your every step and makes you unable to sit still.

That is nothing compared to the knawing ache of being seperated from the One you need with all your heart. Knowing that He will be here in less than 3 weeks should soothe my nerves and keep me grounded. Pfftttt!!!! It is fast becoming a physically painful ache that haunts my every move and thought. i remember He said this week with Him away would be a test, to see if what we have will fizzle out or get stronger. i can say with all honesty it only gets stronger with each passing moment.

i barely slept last night and knew He was watching over me as i slept. i tossed and turned, woke up reaching out across the bed for the body that wasnt there. Its as though a part of me is missing and He took it with Him. i cant speak for Him or how it makes Him feel. i know from His voice on the line He needs it as much as i do. i can hear the stress in His voice from the business that called Him away and it kills me that there is nothing i can do to ease that for Him.

i busy myself as best i can. The house hasnt been this spotless in awhile. i mean the walls were washed for crying out loud.

He told me weeks ago that the ache was going to get stronger. Lordy i hate it when He's right all the time. And so for now i push myself to stay busy and focus on knowing in due time i will be in His arms and likely crushed against His chest. And thats just fine with me.

Until later,

Armour's brat

Posted at 2:57 PM

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-A girl's Frustration-

There are times you just want to kick and scream in frustration over things that are beyond your control. i'm like that at the moment. Armour called tonight, after fighting with overseas phone lines and false starts He finally got through. To my delight of course, i will admit to being addicted to that voice of His. *shiver* And i have mentioned His chuckle as well i know ....but omg damn.

Anywho!

He sounds so tired and stressed and there isnt a damn thing i can do about it. And that is the sorce of my frustration. Other girls will understand where i am coming from. The need to soothe and take care of your Owner. Relax Him when He is stressed or frustrated. i can hear the growing temper in His voice and i know He isnt one to lose it lightly.

All i can do is listen and tell Him i miss Him and love Him and look forward to Him coming home.

Only a few short weeks until He comes here. 17 days to be exact. But i'm not counting.

Until later,

Armour's brat

Posted at 9:09 PM

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-Long Nights Ahead-

Armour left today for Dubai. *pouts* He has a long trip ahead of Him, as i write this He is somewhere over the Pacific. Likely grumbling at not having enough leg room and not being able to sleep on the 15hour flight. And here i sit, missing Him terribly already and worrying that He lands safely. The call this morning was too short, He was still packing and taking care of last minute details and i was barely awake. i wont hear His voice again for at least another day.

The ache of being seperated from even that simple contact is more staggering then i imagined it would be. i thought, eh no big deal, its only a week and He will be home. He hasnt even been gone a day, i spoke to Him this morning and already i'm restless and squirmy. i have grown accustomed to His voice at night before going to bed. Jesus is it even possible to become so.....well....trained in such a short period of time? Getting to sleep tonight is going to be difficult. Those who know me know how much i hate flying. And i wont rest easy until i know He is safe and sound on solid ground.

i hope this helps to ease the ache while He is away. Knowing He will be reading and keeping an eye on me. Work will help some, at least while i am there. Keep me distracted from thinking about Him too much. Ugh crap, its the weekend. Perfect.

Armour, i miss You so much already. Counting the days until You come home.

Until later,

Armour's brat

Posted at 8:41 PM

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-Distant Hearts-

i got off work early today. Woot!! Yay me! Gotta love it when you are overstaffed and get an extra few hours to yourself. Normally not something i do, but with Armour leaving tomorrow i was happy to get out a few hours early.

Armour leaves for Dubai tomorrow for a week long business trip. So i bid you warning now i will likely spend alot of next week pouting and being generally moppy until He gets home. It isnt as though we wont speak at all, there is Yahoo and i will be posting here daily as He wishes, its the simple distance. Ok ok i know, there are phones there. But we both know the communications will be short and quick because of the time difference. As i go to bed, He is getting up.

Its hard enough with Him just a short flight away in DC. To have an entire ocean seperating us seems to make it that much harder. Nights will be restless without knowing He will call in the morning and tease me about how my voice sounds when i wake up. Going to bed will be a bitch as i admit to having gotten used to being sent to bed with a couple of orgasms under my belt.

Tomorrow mornings' call is likely to be a bit subdued and mournful. No i wont cry. Sheesh i'm not that much of a sap.....yet. Although i am sure He will do something to me to make sure He is on my mind the entire week He is gone. *delicious shiver*

Until later,

Armour's brat

Posted at 4:28 PM

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-Am i Done Yet Please?-

Ok so i am bushed. Sheesh what a day. It was freezing out again, no surprise. Work was slow which only makes your day drag and seem to last forever. i did discover the new muffin at Tim Hortons is to die for, whole grain blueberry. Oh my god yummy. Warmed up with a little butter and a cup of tea. That along with Armour's voice in my ear first thing this morning telling me to cum for Him a second time is exactly how i want to start my day. *blissful sigh*

Now i get to end my day. Hot cup of tea, good tunes and hopefully soon to have Armour's voice in my ear again before bed. At least my nipples arent sore anymore. Ummmm that might get them sore again.

Honest they ARE still sore, i swear!! Hehe.

Until later,

Armour's brat

Posted at 7:50 PM

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-Are You Kidding me?-

Ok so seriously, wtf? i make contact with a former person i know and talk about things going on in my life and suddenly i'm plotting the demise of my ex's relationship. Puhlease!! i have more important things to do, worry over and think about in my life then planning to sabotage his thing. Honest to god. And then to hint that if something is said or told to the new girl that he will be very upset? Oh? Did you just threaten me? i certianly hope not. That would be a seriously foolish thing to do.

The utter nerve! Arg i am so pissed off at the moment i would seriously adore to introduce someone to my fist. It takes alot to get me that mad. But some people just know how to push my buttons. Oh and lets set me off further by leaving me so irriated that even talking to Armour couldnt completely soothe me. Oh see now that tears it. i live for my talks with Him and being pissed off when He called is not my idea of a relaxing evening. Especially when it isnt His fault. So i was extremely quiet, to prevent my temper from erupting and snapping at Him by mistake when He isnt the one i'm mad at. Needless to say the talk was dismally short which now leaves me restless and aching in a way that isnt pleasant at all.

Well so much for a decent nights sleep tonight. Grrr!!!

i mean honestly, what good would it serve me to cause problems for him. Honestly? i am not with him, i do NOT want him and i have moved on. i dont even feel anger anymore over things that caused the end of my marriage. It simply isnt worth it. Perhaps early on or before the final split i may have felt the need to rant, rave and generally make life miserable. Yet even then, when i had just cause and reason i didnt. The fights were contained where they belonged. Between him and i in the privacy it deserved. Ok well maybe not totally private as those fights did get rather loud. Yes nasty things were said on both parts, but when the pain is that fresh and still bleeding its going to happen. Each lashing out to hurt the other in the best way they know how in order to try lessen the pain each is feeling themselves. i have shed my tears and cried for the last time over this, be it from pain, humiliation or anger. No more.

This incident has really made me think however. About myself and how i shut down and completely turn off in the face of anyone getting too close to me. A protective measure designed to prevent anyone else from ever being able to know how to hurt me best. i have always kept that last part of myself carefully locked away where no one can get to. Never allowing myself to finally give that last piece of me so that i can always say. See?, i knew this would happen. i dont want to spend my life wondering or worrying that the One i want more then anything will get that final piece and one day use it against me. All i am doing then is hurting myself as well as Him. Oh hell no. Na uh. i am so done with that. As overwhelmingly terrifying as it may be, i will give Him that. If He wants it. i will not keep being afraid to completely trust, which is what has always held me back from being the submissive i know i can be. It may be a bit early for Armour and i, but i am not going to hold back from Him. If He wants it, He can have it. It cant feel so right and so intense this fast for it not to be the right path for me.

To Armour: i am truly sorry that i allowed him to upset me to the point that it interfered with Your call tonight. That upset me more then anything he said to me. i wont let fear of being hurt stop me from giving You everything You need or want from me, be it my body, heart, mind or my very soul. i will be Yours if You will have me. There will be fights i am sure, if there werent that is when i would worry. But i will shed my tears, get over my temper and not hold back from You. As difficult as that will be for me for the foreseeable future, i will work at it and get past it with Your help.

So i will try to get some sleep, it will be fitful i am sure given that my time on the phone with Him was so short and not completely pleasant because of my foul temper. And hope that it is His voice in my ear waking me up in the morning. Unless i'm up before Him. *innocent smile*

Until later and better moods,

Armour's brat

Posted at 8:25 PM

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-Canadian = Snow Bleh!-

Ok so i know i am Canadian, and a proud one at that. i love my country, i do. Really. *waves a Maple Leaf with pride* But come on! Enough with the snow already. i know as Canadians we should be used to this by now. Yet around this time every year we all get sick and tired of yanking out that shovel and bundling up until all that is visible are squinting eyes and a frozen nose. Why am i whining? Cause once again it is snowing out. The temp is plunging fast and i am good and ready for spring. Cute little sandles, skirts and summer dresses. *blissful sigh*

Anywho!! So i went and had my hair done. Went with bangs yet again. No idea why i always do this. i only end up hating them in a couple of months. But at least the colour turned out well. And Armour likes it so thats good enough for me. So with a lazy day off, opps wait, scratch that. Laundry to do. i do plan on curling up with a book soon. No doubt you know Who will be peeking at the cam to make sure i'm resting. Which i am, between laundry loads.

Had a rather enjoyable morning thats for sure. Hehe. There is just something about starting your day with a sexy voice in your ear telling you to cum for Him. *insert delicious orgasmic shiver here* Not once, no no kidlets. He isnt happy unless its at least twice. The Man keeps me sore and aching for more, blast Him! ( love You Baby!!!!)

Yes that was me sucking up. It happens occassionally.

For now i am off to relax and get some reading done.

Until later,

Armour's brat

Posted at 11:33 AM

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-A Not So Bratty Sunday-

Has anyone seen a full nights sleep? Bugger keeps elluding me and its starting to get on my last nerve. Being sick bites monkey balls i swear. i havent been ill for years and this is kicking my ass hard. The odd sniffle here and there but broncitious is just misery personified. As you can likely tell i dont do sick well at all. i'm whiney, cranky from lack of sleep and generally miserable. With the meds now polluting my system i'm sinking into that whining stage of illness. You girls know what i mean. Needing Master to coddle and take care of you, coo and tuck you in. This is the part that sucks for me. Armour isnt here. His calls help but nothing beats the soft touch of being craddled and looked after.

He calls me brat alot, i'm thinking its a pet name that is going to stick. Cant imagine where He came up with it though. We all know i'm not a brat, na uh, no Sirre, not this slave. Angelic and sweet to the core. Wonder how many of you bought that line of bull. Not many i'm betting. *dramatic sigh* i tried.

One of the things i love about Armour is He is well aware of my smart mouth and sassy attitude and not only tolerates it, to a degree, but doesnt try to curb my natural nature. He simply accepts it as a part of me and tugs me back into line if my pitbull mouth runs away with me. All it takes is a simple word and i know to hush and watch my tongue. It still amazes me how easily i respond to Him. How quickly i sink into completely adoring slave from nothing more then the change in the pitch of His voice.

Lordy i have it bad. i will admit its a bit scarey. To have lost myself so completely to Someone so quickly. To give Him the power to hurt me, break my heart and utterly destroy me. i swore i would never give Anyone that sort of control or hold on me again. That fear is something i will have to work on to get past, to trust in Him that He will be there. Trust is not something i do well, but i am learning quickly.

To be so in love with Someone this intensely, this deeply is frightening as much as it is thrilling. To know it will only get stronger when i am finally able to look into His eyes, feel His touch, makes me ache right to the core. i dont have too much longer to wait. He is coming here for 4 days next month. Valentine's weekend, hmmm karma much? i'm already wondering what to wear. i'm a sap i know. But then you dont know Him.

Ok i'm off to research some things for us to do while He is here. Cant spend every minute in bed worshipping every inch of Him.

Until later,

Armour's brat

Posted at 8:20 AM

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-Dusting off an angel's wings-

It's funny how life works out sometimes. With the ending of my marriage there was such a sense of bitterness and loss. Not just of the relationship, but of things that made me who i am. my self esteem and worth took such a nosedive i didnt think i would recover. It is something i still struggle with each and every day. Of course being called a worthless whore doesnt help, but all one can do is fight past it and try to move on. It isnt an easy thing to recover from though. Taking a beating to your self esteem and worth is painful and will make you feel like you aren't worth it.

It's always those closest to you who know how to hurt you the most and in the right places. Can bring up those old insecurites and childhood tramas that pitch you back. It has been an uphill battle to win that back. It will be a long process but at least i have a beginning.

i met Someone recently. Someone who has turned my world upside down. i had made a promise to myself on the end of my marriage. NO MORE MEN. Boy was that premature. Sometimes life has a different plan for you whether you like it or not. i think i like this new plan.

He is everything i could ever hope to find. Caring, attentive.. i have never felt more wanted or needed. He makes me laugh all the time. Just the thought of Him makes me smile and turn so giddy others around me have made mention of it. The sound of His voice both sets every nerve to tingling with awareness and soothes me better then any cup of tea. And we know how i love my tea. i can only begin to imagine what His touch will do to me. He makes me feel wanted and desired. Something i think i will struggle with for awhile. Not being one to consider myself beautiful or overtly desirable.

He makes me feel like a submissive again. No one has ever made me crave to be at Their feet. To need it with an intensity that leaves me aching and burning. To want to be perfect for Him, or as close as one can come anyways. To be that classy lady on His arm. The wanton, shameless slut in His bed. The utterly devoted slave knelt at His feet.

He wants me to ache for Him. i already do. Its a physical need i cant fight and dont want to. Being apart from Him is hell on earth. Hearing His voice in my ear is my heaven. His chuckle does things to my insides that i didnt think were possible. i plan to strive to be everything He needs or could ever want. Already He has made me better, i do things for Him i have never done before, things i would never have considered and flat out refused to do before. *dreamy sigh*

There will be daily postings on my blog now. He wants to know what is on my mind and i am more then happy to give Him what He wants.

Until next time,

Armour's devoted brat

Posted at 8:43 PM

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