Greetings from nienna
A place for me to muse, rant and mutter to herself.
Remember that these are my thoughts and may not always jive with your own. Note: This blog contains Adult Material and is not suited for those under 18 years of age.
nienna
xxx
You know, its not like this is something that is new to me or anything. Every woman knows that men in general are assholes. But every once in a while it really comes to a head. For example. Tonight i get home from work and am asked if i want to go to a BBQ at a friend's place this weekend. In all honestly no i dont. Its not that i dont like this person because i do. i like her a great deal. i simply hate the country and already had plans for the weekend. Or so i had thought. It seems Ice wants to go to this BBQ and without so much as asking me said we would go. He asked when i got home and i wasnt really given the option to say no. So fine, He can go, i dont want to. There are things here i wanted to do. Yet it would appear that my wants and needs do not matter. No one seems to care what i wanted to do, as long as everyone else is happy and gets to do what they want, well thats ok.
To make matters worse, things online arent going well, at least for me. Ice is happy as a clam with it, so is everyone else. Yet after the horseshit with Ice's affair with CrystalBlue. Oh yes i am naming names. i'm not protecting anyone anymore. When i'm told its over, suddenly i'm being treated like shit online by CyrstalBlue. Ignored and not consulted on anything to do with the site. Now. Seeing as i did absolutely NOTHING wrong in this whole farse, i will not be the one to make nice. She should be the one coming to me, making ammends and treating me like what i am. Not only Ice's future wife, but also a co-owner of that site. But it seems that yet again, i get the shit end of the stick. She sucks Ice's ass all over the place and gets, to my way of thinking, way too familiar with Him. i'm not taking away from the fact that she has done alot of work on the server, she has. She has put alot of time and effort into it. That however does not excuse the behavior that i am being subjected to. But yet again as long as everyone else is happy, angel gets pissed on. Lovely.
i refuse to be treated in this manner. i have told Ice that if the problem isnt fixed soon, and i will NOT be the one who will be doing the fixing, that i will leave as co-onwer and post why i am doing so on the sites forum. i dont give a flying fuck who gets pissy about it. i should not have to put up with being treated like that when i am the one who was wronged. No one else. i was lied to and betrayed by someone i once considered a friend. Someone who was well aware of my feelings regarding online relationships. That i did not agree with them and i wouldnt knowingly share my Man. Nor give my blessing.
So yet again Ice and i are in a huge fight over this and as always i'll be the one who gets fucked. Perfect!
Let me start this post with a big thank you to D. It was thanks to her that i found out about Sparkle Tags. So thank you D!! As for the title of this post, please let me explain. If any of you have ever been to the site i created for Ice and i, big plug here, http://www.geocities.com/darqueangel_iw/ . You will see that part of it is part of the Kamakazee Sidewalk Frog Foundation. Now. How this came about is several years ago, Ice and i went for a walk. While W/we were out a frog hopped out infront of me, right under my foot and i nearly stepped on him. i said to Ice, OMG its a kamakazee sidewalk frog. And thats how it started. Lame i know but cute too. Anyway, last night while again out walking, He and i spotted another one. Just a tiny lil guy hopping infront of U/us. That's what brough it back to mind.
Last night was a bit of a commotion for me. i noticed that the ring Ice bought me for Christmas was missing one of the diamonds. i must have knocked my hand at some point yesterday and popped it out. i felt so horrible, and still do. Ice of course was very upset as that is a big fear of His. That i'll lose a stone from my ring. my engagement ring that is. So now not only do i have to get my ring fixed. Which my boss has told me he will do for me free of charge. To which both Ice and i are very grateful. After that is done all of my rings are being appraised for insurance. Ice refuses to take anymore chances, especially with my engagement ring. And i dont blame Him at all. i tend to "speak" with my hands alot. So all of my rings have to have inset stones in them. To lessen the chance that i'll damage one of them. Yes i know, too late. Of course i'm in total agreement with Him. i would be devastated if i damaged my ring.
Ice and i have also decided to move the wedding date. Its just not financially doable for December. So i've settled on May of next year. That gives U/us a little more time to save up the finances. Although W/we have settled on a honeymoon location. Vancouver, BC. i've always wanted to see the whales. And out there that is big business. Ice has even agreed to go on one of the whale watching tours. Even though He hates boats. But i said to Him. If i have to get on a plane. Something i am terrified of. Then He can go on a boat. So He agreed.
Ice is on my case to see a doctor too. i know He's only concerned for my health, given my asthema, but i HATE doctors. However i've had a nasty cough for about 2 weeks now, and i'm so tired all the time. Unnaturally tired. To the point i feel like i could sleep for a whole day and still not have enough. So i suppose i have to get off my ass and go see one. As much as i hate the idea. *shudders*
Until later.
Always His angel[IW]
Posted at 4:17 PM
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Monday, June 26, 2006
-Pooped-
Beyond exhaustion is just touching on how i feel tonight. It's been a very busy weekend for me, so i apologize now for not posting in the last few days. i've barely had time to breath. It was C and N's stag and doe on Saturday night. It was an eventful evening to say the least. i wont go into details to protect the innocent, but lets just say Ice's knuckles are a lil raw, there was a broken case of beer, yes i said case. But it all ended good and everyone had a good time. i got a tad bit drunk, something many know is very rare for me. Ice spent alot of time laughing at my antics. We didnt get home and to bed until after 4am. Sunday was spent running around taking back unopened booze and running errands. i didnt get a nap in at all yesterday, and it was late afternoon before i could wash the whipped cream from my hair. Thanks a bunch C!! LOL
Ice did dance with me though, which is a rarity. It was sooo nice. i really enjoy dancing with Him and never take it for granted because it is so rare that W/we get to. i'm hoping He'll let me teach Him how to FoxTrot for O/our wedding. It's not really His sort of dance, but its something i'd really like. So far He hasnt said no. LOL
Perhaps its because i'm so tired tonight, but my thoughts are all jumbled and not coming together the way i want them to. So for tonight i think this will be it. This angel needs her bed. LOL
Until later,
Always His angel[IW]
Posted at 3:50 PM
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Thursday, June 22, 2006
-Busy, busy, busy-
To say i have been busy the last week is an understatment. The Stag-n-Doe for C and N is this Saturday and we've all been running around like chickens with our heads cut off. So many last minute details to take care of. Ice is doing the food for the even and He's pretty much told us all that Friday to stay out of the kitchen for fear of bodily harm. i for one will take the warning other then i have a dish i have to prepare as well that night.
i really cant think of alot to write about tonight. So many things going on and to do. And so for now i will bid you ado. Until things arent so crazy here and i have more time to write a better post.
Until later,
Always His angel[IW]
Posted at 5:50 PM
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Sunday, June 18, 2006
-Mine-
There comes a time when some things just have to be said. Many people think that online is just that, online, but few seem to see that in many cases it does affect a person's real life as well. Now dont get me wrong, i'm no angel when it comes to online dalliances. Although mine were always well known to Ice. In fact i wouldn't so much as speak with certian people in pvt unless it was ok with Him. One thing i have come to realize is that there is no safe online relationship. At some point another party gets hurt and upset.
Case in point, a couple in a real life relationship, have been together many years and plan to spend the rest of their lives together. However, he starts up a relationship with another woman online and doesnt inform his real life partner. So when she finds out, she is crushed, betrayed and angry. She's is told its nothing and get over it, dont worry about it. Well how is that right? This is affecting her on a very deep level and no one seems to care. Her love is devoting a good portion of his time to another woman, calling her pet names that belong to you and having cybersex. To her that is a form of infidelity. The other woman says its not, well if you ask me it is. Take a look around and you will find countless marriages that have broken up because of it. And yet you sit here and say it means nothing?
Online may not be a physical meeting of bodies. But it is a very strong emotional bond. Many of my readers will know my own relationship began online and moved to real life many years ago. Both He and i left who W/we were with at the time to be T/together. So dont tell me it cant happen. It would be one thing if it was a real life affair. There's an actual person there you can confront and if the need strikes you, beat senseless. Online is a different matter. How do you combat that which can be so easily hidden? Constant vigilance? Well sure you can try that. See how far it gets you and perhaps you will get lucky.
i have fought this battle myself. Fought tooth and nail for what is mine and will continue to do so no matter who wants to try get in my way. Sometimes things work out for the best. You will know who you are. It's still a horrible thing to go through. Wondering who he is thinking about, what is he doing when he isnt with you. i was lucky, it wasnt easy but W/we made it through. So to any of you out there who may want my Man. And trust me i am well aware of the allure and appeal He holds. i fell in love with Him and left another man to be with Him remember? Let me just say this, Piss off, fuck off and get your own Man. Dont tread where you are not welcome. He is a flirt and a tease this i know well. Do not take this to heart and think that He wants you. He is like that with everyone around Him.
On another note. i've made the blog rounds today and see that again there apprears to be a war on. All i will say is this. Leave me out of it. i will converse with whom i choose and if you dont like that person. Tough. i refuse to choose a side and get sucked in.
And so, until later.
Always His angel[IW]
Posted at 11:13 AM
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Wednesday, June 14, 2006
-Do You Believe?-
After a lovely day off, i returned to find my office a mess and most of yesterday's work not even done. Thank you Jeff. Can you sense the sarcasm here? my day was spent cleaning up my desk and finishing yesterday's work before i could start today's. So at lunchtime i was finally about to get things done. To make matters worse, and dont ask me how i did this, i've pulled a muscle in my left shoulder. Hurts like a bitch cause its giving me chest pains. So to say the least i am one pooped angel.
So for tonight i pose a question. The Da Vinci Code has been all the rage lately. Yes i read the book, as did Ice, and W/we went to the movie. Hint see the movie first, then read the book. The book poses some very interesting questions. Could what D. Brown wrote about be true? Could the Holy Grail truly be the bloodline of Christ and not a chalise He drank from at the last supper? In the painting above, is it St. Peter next to Christ, or is it Mary Magaline? Did she carry His daughter to Egypt and then to France in safety? Or is this all fodder for the papers?
i for one would like to believe that the Holy Grail is more then just a cup. Theres no proof one way or the other for either theory. So what is your opinion? Have you even read the book? If not, do so. If nothing else it is a fabulous book. i cant wait to see what my readers think on this issue.
So until later.
Always His angel[IW]
Posted at 4:21 PM
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Monday, June 12, 2006
-Happy Lil Bridesmaid-
i was the good little bridesmaid tonight yes i was. C's wedding isnt that far off and she needed help tonight with some inserts to the invitations to the bridal shower next month. Now i know your sitting there saying. But she shouldnt be working on shower stuff at all. And normally she wouldnt have been. But the one who was hadnt been able to do it so she asked if i would help.
And so for several hours tonight after work i sat at the kitchen table filling out tiny cards with addtional information on them with sparkle pens. To say that my hand is so cramped its painful to type is an understatement. But the inserts are done, the invitation inserts are done and ready to be mailed. And i know how much she appreciates the help. Its not like she hasnt done alot for me so far as my maid of honor. She got me a bag pipper to play the pipes at the ceremony for nothing. Thats right. Nothing!! Ice is thrilled. Many of you may not know that He is part Scots. So for O/our wedding He's wearing a kilt. Its what He wanted and i'm more then happy to accomidate Him. The boys are tickled as they get to wear them as well. As soon as they found out Dad was wearing one, all you could hear is. I wanna wear one too!! So Ice's men are all wearing kilts. Thank God Ice has the legs for it. LOL. But the boys and Ice have been warned, they are not to go commando under those kilts. 1. Its my wedding for crying out loud. 2. Its December for the love of pete.
Tomorrow promises to be a banner day. i have the day off to relax and do anything i want. As long as the weather cooperates, and its supposed to, i'll be spreading my lillywhite ass out back in a bikini and working on my tan all day. Oh bliss!! No work and that annoying as all hell Jeff. my manager at work. Please dont even get me started on that one. Not a day goes by where he doesnt annoy me to the point i just wanna scream, or worse.
Just a short little note for tonight as i'm beat and Ice's furry chest is beckoning me to cuddle up and doze off. The "budda" is stretched out in bed as well and i'm sure she'll want her fair share of furry belly scritches. Budda would be the cat, LittleOne. Though little she is not!
Until later.
Always His angel[IW]
Posted at 7:23 PM
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Sunday, June 11, 2006
-Unfair-
So this morning i get up, late seeing as it's my only day off to sleep in. i go upstairs and sit with Ice and C to have morning coffee, a Sunday ritual at our house. Plans for the day included weeding and cleaning up the back garden to plant the new flowers. Normally i hate gardening but i had promised i would help. The day promised to be sunny and lovely out. A tad cool for this time of year but what the hell. i'm not about the whine that its a lil cool if its sunny out.
So i go to change for outside, a bikini top and shorts to work on my tan. When i realize i have to shave my legs. This is my beef. Why oh why, if God meant for woman to have smooth, silky soft legs, did He make hair grow there? Does He not realize what a major pain in the ass it is to have to shave every other day. Did cavewoman shave her legs? Hell no! Did caveman gripe about it? Likely not i'm thinking. Oh sure you can wax, but do you know how painful that is? Ugh!!! i spend a fortune every month on razors and shaving cream. The good razers, the Venus ones, to make sure my legs are silky soft and smooth. And the good shaving cream, the Gillette stuff with aloe and smells like berries. i dont think its fair that we as women have to endure this constant torture for the sake of society. But hey, my legs are soft and smooth and smell nice. So for a day or 2 i wont hear Ice gripin that i have "wookie" legs. So what if i do, His legs are hairy and do i complain? Nope, not a word. Wonder what would happen if i did though.
Shall i even start about shaving down there? Ok sure lets go for it. Personally that isnt a big issue for me. i prefer my "cooch" being smooth and hair free. i think its cleaner and much more comfortable. i dont understand those women who feel the need to grow their own panties. Yuck!! my only real complaint is the odd time i happen to knick myself. Ever have a shaving knick on the top of your clit ladies? Come on now, dont lie. You know you have. Stings like a sonofabitch dont it? But its the price we pay to keep our Men happy. Although i cant blame that on Ice, as it drives me insane after only a couple of days as well and i have to trim up again.
Anywho!!
The garden looks lovely though. Still a few bare spots to fill in with flowers but we ran out for today so that will be a project for next weekend. i weeded my little heart out i did. Ice was laughing at me when the cat got out and i chased her down, or spraying me with the hose. He was busy too today. He and N spent the day cleaning out the fish pond. They completely drained it and scrubbed it down. i have to admit they did a great job. Even added a little hideaway for the fish with a few stones from the garden.
So tonight its a hot shower and curled up with the Wolf and a movie. Sounds like a plan to me. After being outside all day and on the go it will be nice to relax before bed and work again on Monday. And so for now my rantings are done.
Until later.
Always His angel[IW]
Posted at 4:10 PM
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Saturday, June 10, 2006
-An Interesting Turn of Events-
Let me start this off by bringing to the forefront my pleasant shock and surprise at the response i have gotten after only one post. i can say in all honesty that i did not expect it and am very appreciative of it. Especially after making the blog rounds and seeing the unrest that is going on. i will say now that i refuse to allow myself to get caught up in it. i refuse to take sides or backlash. i choose and make my friends after i decide the qualities i look for in a friend are there. i dont have the time for alliances or the like. Hell i barely have time to sleep at night these days. With one wedding only 8 weeks off and my own a mere 7 months away. YIKES!!
There are those to whom i will not speak. For my own reasons. i dont trust easily and when its broken its gone for good. Once bitten, twice shy and all that jazz.
Thank you D for you kind comments. It speaks for both of us how far we have come. i dont think i'll speak with you often as your always sleeping when i'm online, but feel free to hit me up if you happen to see me around. i will be pleased to have my blog added to your's and will return the favor with your permission of course. You can add me to MSN if you wish as well. i wasnt aware of your upcoming nuptuals so congratulations.
If i may here for a second. After everything thats happened in the past. To see that D and myself can say a kind word to eachother and frequent eachother's blogs. Well makes you wonder why others cant let bygones be bygones. For myself i suppose its just that i'm tired. Tired of always being on alert, of being tense online when i should be relaxing. Tired of never knowing who to trust, who its ok to speak with etc etc. i just dont have the attention span to keep up with it all. So i'll just go along my merry way and read whoever is interesting at the time. i dont have alot of spare time to devote to online so that should keep it even easier.
With Ice having the new server, it's been nice to see old friends again. i admit i was leary. Not eager to invite more trouble into O/our lives, but this was something He really wanted. So far so good. Only a few small bumps in the road that have been smoothed over with a minium of fuss.
On a more personal note. i have to say that lately i'm the happiest i've been in a long time. i'm comfortable where i am and with who i am. i have good friends and a family who loves me. Even if they aren't my family by blood, they are more family then my own is. More supportive and understanding then i could have hoped for. Hell i'm a bridesmaid for Ice's ex wife's wedding. That should tell you something right there. And she is my maid of honor. Funny how life works. She's probably the best friend i have ever had, and she's Ice's ex. *chuckles over that*
i supposed i've rambled on long enough about nothing. So for now i'll bid you ado. Until later.
Always His angel[IW]
Posted at 4:26 PM
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Friday, June 09, 2006
-Dare i Try This Again?-
Recently i ventured online again. i can't say just why but i began to look up blogs i used to read. i was able to find them and catch up on what had been going on lately. i am pleased to see some of you doing well, though saddened to see the old "blog wars" still going on. i can only hope that i don't get dragged into one again. That was a major reason for my leaving online. i admit the break was good for me. i think i was away for a few months. Spending most of my time working, spending time with my Master and future Husband, IceWolf, or with family and friends. Planning the wedding is taking up a big chunk of my time as the date fast approaches. One thing i have learned in that time away, is that life is too short to hold on to old hatreds and bitter feelings. It promotes wrinkles don't you know. i have enough stress in my daily life, i come here to escape from that for a short time and just ramble on about whatever pops into my little head.
While strolling through blogland i came across a particular blog. She'll know who she is. At one time she and i violently hated eachother, but over time came to a mutual understanding and i can now say that i hold no animosity towards her and wish her only the best and happiness in her life. What struck me about her blog was that she commented how her Ex was happy and living with the woman He was to marry. Thank you D for that. It shows just how far you and i have both come from a year or 2 ago. i only hope you aren't upset that i stop by for a read now and again.
Life in general for me goes on as always. The wedding is this coming December. Not far off i know. Ice and i B/both want something small and simple. Of which i will write more about at a later date.
At a later date i hope to include more about the BDSM side to O/our relationship. As many of you will know, there are just times when life as a normal couple has to take precedence. With 2 weddings being planned, one of which is O/our's the other is C's for which i am a bridesmaid, work and 3 teenagers to contend with. Well something had to give. So for now D/s takes the back burner until there is more time to devote to such an endeavor. i look forward to that day as i do miss being His angel in that way.
