i was wondering blogland this evening and something hit me. In every submissive/slave blog i came across there were posts about girls who have a set schedual of things to follow each day. Perhaps its just me but i just dont understand it. Do these girls need to be monitored so closely? Are they that incapable of thinking and doing for themselves? Or is it that the Masters are the issue. Insecure or insanely controlling. i dont know, all i know is that would drive me batty.

One i came across spoke of how she was to kneel for an hour every morning before work. Maybe its just me, i must be a bad sub because i dont kneel. Not because i dont want to kneel at His feet or that He doesnt want me to, its because i physically cant do it. i used to ride horses, i trained for several years and showed competitively as well. It takes its toll on your body. For me it was my knees and back. Kneeling for more then a moment or 2 is torture for me. Kneeling for 5 minutes and i cant get to my feet without help and litterally screaming in agony. Ask Ice and He'll tell you, He's the one who helped me up and held me as i sobbed from the pain. And i broke a vertabrea in my back in a riding accident when i was younger. i've had back problems ever since.

Dont get me wrong. i would love nothing more then to kneel at Ice's feet for hours on end while watching TV or a movie. For me it is just something that will not happen and i have to accept that. Perhaps thats why i dont understand why some Masters have their subs do this for hours on end. To me it seems excessive and cruel. i mean the joints can only take so much pressure. But again thats just me.

Ice is well aware of my limitations. Strange isnt it that such a devout Sadist as He should be in love with a sub who can fulfill alot of her duties because of past injury. Not from lack of desire. Or maybe i'm just the balance He needs. He gives me the push i need and i force Him to rein in. Lord knows He has pushed me. i've gone farther as a sub with Him then i could have thought i was capable of. i can take more then i thought i could. i never thought i was one for pain. It seems i was mistaken. i surprised even Him one night at how much i took without using a safeword. He was shocked and i was thrilled. i had shown that i had the makings to, at least in some ways, be what He needed. i think He was proud of me too. Though i dont remember if He said so. He told me i'd gone into subspace. Something i didnt even think really exsisted. But if He says i did, then i suppose i did. i dont really remember.

Off topic a lil here. For a long time now i've been thinking of going back to school. Not full time or anything, there are alot of at home courses you can take now. Tonight i'm going to look into one option. i know Ice will support me, He's wanted me to do this for along time. i think now may be the right time. So wish me luck.

Until later.

Always His angel[IW]